Monday, 24 December 2007

My Christmas thought

As I was sitting with my daughters this morning chilling and chatting about Christmas presents I suddenly felt a great sadness.
Suddenly I was embarrassed by my wealth, shamed that I was considering what useless stuff I wanted while all over the world people don't have the strength to say what they need never mind entertain their frivolous desires.
I have responsibilities because I have children so I can't sell all i own but I can stop my own indulgence and I can by my word and deed help my children to do the same.

Thursday, 30 August 2007

Being simple

I am a very simple toad, I get confused easily and then my head hurts.
Consequently I prefer it if church visitors keep things very simple. I can follow a simple plot but please don't throw in any subtlety or sub-plots because you will lose me.

Friday, 24 August 2007


whether we want a little bit of peace for ourselves or peace throughout the world it needn't be complicated. We can only ever state out own needs and carve out our own safe space where aggression and hate will not be tolerated. When enough of us do that there will be nowhere left for hate.

Thursday, 16 August 2007

Is there a purpose to life

heck, there's more than one.

I change mine more often than my underwear (so that's twice a year)

Sunday, 12 August 2007

So why are we here?

the simple answer is that we are here because we aren't there. We may never be there and we may strive all life long to get there but surely there is a point when we need to realise that we are here and that our here is someone's there so we should stop trying to get there and enjoy being here on behalf of those who will never get here and hate being there.

Saturday, 11 August 2007

other faiths\beliefs

we do not want to replace or marginalise any other belief system but rather work along side and enhance our members life experience.

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Is their an after-life?

why on earth do people complicate things, what we need to know is , is their a life and if there is where is it and how much does it cost. We might be tempted to consider renting rather than buying and it is always good to try before you buy.

There can't be an after-life unless there is a 'before' so lets just get on with it and stop trying to work out something that we aren't meant to understand. If thinking about this issue upsets or worries you then you're not drinking enough.

the time has come to address some important philosophical questions

so I better think of some.

Monday, 6 August 2007

it makes me weep

not once but twice today I saw fairly young women with babies going about their business and to all appearances being good mothers and in both cases, trailing along behind there was a sour faced, aggressive, bad mouthed partner. I just want to say to these women 'you can do better and you and your child deserve better'

Let it be known, the church will not tolerate abusive people and as a community we will support each other in getting the best we can out of life.

Sermon ends lol

Sunday, 5 August 2007

I noticed

I know I'm a bit slow but I've just noticed that a number of previous church members were there seeking love, relationships etc etc.

That's ok, if people meet in the church and click then that makes me happy

I sincerely hope that prople can find a little of what they want here and If I can help in any way I will.

Saturday, 4 August 2007

what is this about

some days i want the church and it's issues to be very serious, other days it's all about having a giggle.

Does it really matter, there is room here for everything, life is serious and then funny, happy and sad; the church should be all that.

don't be shy

Feel free to post your thoughts or to worship quietly at the altar of acknowledged ignorance. Alternatively, do what you like, we are a very open minded church!

Friday, 3 August 2007

help us out here

take some time to give the church your vote of confidence, if it wins the prize will be donated to cancer research

do it now!

Thursday, 2 August 2007

A wise man once said to me

wisdom carries so much responsibility, it's good to be play the fool now and again and it's far more fun

Tuesday, 31 July 2007

an except from the early days of the church

An early pondering.....

As you go about your daily life in pursuit of happiness, money, companionship or just survival consider the challenges that face you, appreciate the intricate layering of cause and effect, the infinite possibilities that will spring from your every action or inaction. as your head begins to heat up start to repeat the following manta quietly to yourself (best done on public transport) 'sod it, I'm of to the pub, sod it I'm of to the pub' etc
NB feel free to insert your own explicates and venue according to local custom and practice just try to preserve the essential message there-in

brought forth a query........

Took your advice and chanted the mantra whilst on the bus.....Yep! I missed my stop! I also had a bit of difficulty because I only drink water. What is the meaning of this experience grand master? Is it because I would have been run over if I had gotten off the bus at my stop? or is it the fact that I got stuck in the lotus position and couldn't get up quick enough to pull the bell? this mystery is tormenting me to the point that I am sitting here at 4.24am pondering it all? Plese advise me for I am lost.

leading to further exploration of the issue.......

Dawn, my child, your question, like you, is shrouded in mysteries. Examine your heart (you may need a skilled surgeon to help) and your answer will come unto you. Ask yourself, did I really miss my stop, did my stop miss me, is it still missing me and should I go back and give it a hug. Perhaps your tangled limbs were a message that you should explore more, perhaps they were telling you to sit sensibly on public transport. I know not the truth and, though I love my children,my ignorance doesn't bother me at all (that is soooo liberating). Please modify your personal mantra until it feels comfortable e.g. sod it I'm of to the tap.

which drove away the questioner........

Again I took your advice; I went unto the main street from whence I missed my stop. I Gleefully, and with a full heart hugged the bus stop...Then i was arrested for pole dancing mid town. But I gave it my best shot! I also modified the mantra to "Sod it I'm off to the tap" and was arrested for beligerance to a very large police man, who hard of hearing thought I'd told him to "Sod Off, you're full of crap!" SO again Grand Master I ask that you enlighten me as to why you're laughing so much at my misfortune? Or is that question just too deep for me to understand the answer? It wouldn't surprise me y'know. The reason I am shrouded in mystery is because I was a leper in a previous life, and I failed my driving test because I left my foot on the clutch...Literally! Since that happened, i've worn my shroud so that I wouldn't be recognised, and thrown into a wind tunnell only to come out the other end as a pizza! Well Grand Master, I honour you and leave you in peace, and please don't use the pun that as I leve you in peace, you leave me in pieces. Thank you for your ears, I lost mine many years ago.

why do people never stay? *sob*

do what you do

if we stay focused on what we need to do we will find happiness or at least mislay our frowns

Friday, 27 July 2007


the church isn't hierarchical and doesn't have a focus for worship, it is more of a fellowship where we can come together and be puzzled.

To join the community you only have to ask!

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Why we do not encourage meditation

a. you could do yourself an injury getting into those positions.

b. around here the moment you go into a higher state, someone goes in your wallet.

Friday, 20 July 2007

Have you ever

have you ever envied a child their simple happiness, have you ever been touched by a child's trust?

Here we believe that simple is good. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could trust people, if what people said was what they meant.

All those who enter here are encouraged to offer honesty and trust to those they meet, it might even be infectious.

I am often guilty of over thinking, intellectualizing and analysing and yet when I just accept things at face value I'm happier.

Thursday, 19 July 2007


Did you know that the church is 6 years old.

It originally had a coordinator for the southern hemisphere and 66% of it's members were from this hemisphere.

At it's height the church had 20 members (oh how I dream of those heady days)

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

meeting places

as a church community we can happily meet anywhere and appreciate the good that we find.

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Monday, 16 July 2007

more about this church

here we do not judge because we never know enough to do so with certainty.
We do not rush because journeys are educational.
We do not condemn any way of life but are free to choose our own.

Saturday, 14 July 2007

An offer

We of the church set great store by simple things (I am the original simple thing) such as smiles and hugs, they are easy to use and don't require any training or expensive correspondence courses.
As an introductory offer all visitors are invited to hug or be hugged, it's free!!!! and there is no obligation (no salesmen will call).

Thursday, 12 July 2007


when your cup runneth over it might be because you left the tap running

Wednesday, 11 July 2007


think about bollards for a moment. Solid, useful, immovable, dull.

How many people are like that (apart from standing in roads) , they serve a function day in, day out and we never notice them unless we run headlong into them.
OK, eventually the elements will wear a bollard away but more often someone drives a great big truck into it and it becomes instant hardcore (don't get me wrong, I respect bollards and I respect hardcore)

My council has started using a new bollard, it's bright, it's plastic and it's spring loaded. it isn't solid and it isn't dull but drive a truck at it and you may as well plait fog.

So remember: Give a little and you'll last a lot longer.

On public transport

Be on your guard against bus drivers and ticket collectors they will try to ensnare you in philosophical debate by asking you questions such as where are you going?

Monday, 9 July 2007


have you ever heard someone say 'smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking'?

Often it's the smile that gives the spark for happy thoughts not just for you but for those around you. yes, people may wonder what you are thinking but that's secondary, it's enough to see smiling faces, to believe that people are happy and to rejoice in that.

Smile at everyone you make eye contact with today and if you feel up to it, try this little amusement that I use to amuse myself whilst out driving. Wave at people as if you know them, see how many people wave back. They either think they should know you or they appreciate a friendly gesture. The thing is nearly everyone appreciates some light positive attention so you are doing your bit to make the world a smilier place.

where I'm coming from

I founded the church of the terminally bemused a while ago and it has appeared on various places around the internet. Whilst it has the title of 'church' it is not really a place of worship, more a meeting of like minds where we can be puzzled and bemused together. When seekers come the community are all equally able to offer friendship and support, we can try for advice but that pre-suposes that we know what we are talking about.

Welcome one and all

What sets us apart is our firm belief in mystery and our determination not to get drawn into pointless debate about things that no-one really knows about.

Where most faiths seek truth, enlightenment and a way we are quite happy to smile slightly and say 'buggered if I know' when asked about the meaning of life or the purpose of our existence.