decline in religion and religious belief

It does seem that as we move well into the 21st century religion is become less popular and we, along with many other faiths and belief systems are hard at work trying to solve the problem so that we can again enjoy crowded places of worship and the wealth that this will bring (not that any of us are into wealth of course).
I am proud to be able to share with you that this tiny, insignificant, non state funded church has found the solution.
VIRGINITY!!!!!
or....lack of it
Religions have always liked virgins whether it's to give to the gods, to the priests or to charity virgins are, or were, hard currency. But now, where can you find a virgin, yes, ok there are some but the other thing was that the holy virgins had to be drop dead gorgeous. No wonder they ran out!
So, we have no eligible virgins, that's a problem but we of the terminally bemused are not to be defeated. We are a church for deity\ideals sake, we are above the law, we make our own moral code, we define the world we plan to inhabit.

I hear-by make an official proclamation, a new tenet of this church.

Virginity is a state of mind.

If you become a member of this church you may now renew your virginity AND THAT IS OFFICIAL. You have but to believe.
Trust me, I am a high priest, I know about virgins. I'm on my tenth virginity and it still works.

Welcome!

do come in and join in some mutual worship and feeling good.
here there is none of that crap about leaving your troubles on the doorstep or allowing some random deity to wave a magic wand.
If you bring troubles here they will be laid out, examined and dealt with the only deal is that you also bring your happiness because we have to have some balance.

If you have any questions about the church, it's members, the universe or life don't hesitate to ask :0)