On going down

We should never be afraid to go down every now and again because the world is full of mountains and valleys and there is beauty in both.

If we don't now how it feels to be down we can never really appreciate being up and if we never fail we can never fully enjoy success.

Here at the CTB we want to celebrate every victory and every success but we want those victories to be real, we don't like being robbed of our success by manipulated results and low 'everyone wins' standards. Let's have a level playing field and fair competition so that we have to perform at our best rather than at the level of the lowest common denominator and our success has some meaning.

Down to earthedness

Been hearing some strange things of late so now is a good time to make clear that this church doesn't believe that our destiny is controlled by aliens, superbeings or any other strange creature. We believe in proper things like the strength in a hug and the power of a smile. We believe that we all play a part in the lives of those we encounter and we can all decide whether we are going to be positive or negative. We also believe that if you can't say something constructive or nice then you should shut the f**k up

you don't get this just anywhere

some belief systems tell us that you only live once (unless you're James Bond), others would have us believe that we will live again but on a different plane or in a different form.
Have you spotted the common problem? most of them require you to die first.

We don't really like that, life is good, life is fun etc sooooooo
here at the CTB we are offering a special, call in here and you can collect a new life when ever and as often as you like, it's yours for the taking, you don't need to sign anything and you don't have to give anything (donations are still welcome)

Why there is no preaching here

So, if i tell you the truth (as I see it) you either accept it in which case you put up barriers against other 'truths' or you reject it in which case you put up barriers against my truth or even against me. The same goes for me telling you how to live your life. I can't win, I'm either driving you away or railroading you. Education does that, it tells you to subscribe to the popular truth and in doing so denies others.
Here, we all come to our own conclusions by questioning all we experience and respecting one another enough to give honest, factual answers.
Even by writing this and saying this is how we do it I am feeling the tug of paradox

Take your pick

When you follow a religion you accept the rules of that religion and adhere to it's values and in return you get to enjoy the privileges of your chosen faith (such as extra days off, presents and banquets).
By embracing all religions the church of the terminally bemused is rather like a cross tariff phone retailer we can offer a selection of benefits in a purpose built package taking what suits you from across the board without tying you to any binding contracts.

One world

How often do we hear the term 'one world' or 'the global village'. Many faiths, churches, religions, sects etc embrace this concept and many of them have very clever, noble reasons for doing so. It is, as has been said, all good.
Well, we are not going to be left out, we believe in the one world thingy and indeed our origins were trans-global. We like embracing things (mainly people but ideas too) and we have even come up with our very own rationale over an above having more friends.

In this world of ours there are many cultures, numerous sub-groups, lots of locally held beliefs and superstitions so it stands to reason that if we embrace them all we have far more chance of celebrating one that we really like. Whenever I feel lonely or down I only have to remember that, somewhere in my global village, it is snog a middle aged library worker day and that I have every right to share in the celebration.

that prayer thingy

people are quite fond of prayer, they do it a lot and for all sorts of reasons and if they're not praying they're meditating or something.
As I may have mentioned before (but probably not because I'm just making this up) this church doesn't have a policy on prayer or meditation, this is mainly due to the fact that we don't understand much and we do rather like to go to the pub instead of making out heads hurt with too much thinking.
What we do understand is that prayer and meditation are a way of focusing thought, some people believe that these thoughts,words, positive vibes etc can be sent to a deity and I'm not arguing BUT even if you don't believe in deities focused thought is beneficial. If I say to you I'm sorry that you're having a bad time, I'm going to pray for you and you don't believe in 'prayer' you are still left knowing that I'm thinking about you or your issue and that is positive, a bit like a verbal hug.

I do talk bull don't I?

You may be surprised

I have decided that I should try to set out a little of the churches history for future generations and to bore the pants of everyone. You may be surprised.

The church came into being in the summer of 1998 and was first based on ICQ where, although it originated in England, it was mainly embraced by antipodeans. Apart from the creator the first member was a lady by the name of Dawn in Australia (screen name Midnight) who sought the truth and was keen to know what she needed to do to be initiated (I clearly recall both my thoughts and the eventual reply). Other members came from New Zealand and Tasmania.
Eventually the church moved over to ICQ groups where there was an influx of American and European members and there was much discussion about the best approach to life and it's problems.
Due to serious issues (I ended up without a computer) the church sort of flagged until it migrated to it's present home here.
At present the church is having a quiet time but it's doors are open and all are welcome. There is no complex initiation and you can come and go as you please. Ask questions if you wish, there is always an answer and know that this church will not judge you (unless you enter a competition or post stuff on Helium etc)

There's something missing

Actually there are lots of things missing, the main one being followers\members\enquirers but on this particular occasion I am referring to special days. Other churches have them whether they call them saint's days, feast days, holidays they have days where people do stuff or are excused from doing stuff or do stuff and then get excused for doing it.
We need this structure! Well no we don't need it, we just want it because we feel left out (hope no-one minds me saying 'we' I know I'm pretty much alone here but it makes me feel better).

Hence forth 24th April will be 'Laugh at a policeman day' because for years we have had to endure songs about, and animated models of, laughing policemen. Those who live in countries where the penalty for laughing at a policeman may laugh at English policemen by e-mail or may laugh at a picture of a policeman in private.
Please note, it is not necessary to do the laughing 'in the officers face' as it were and distance laughing is allowed.

lovefest

I would like to share a couple of thoughts which came upon me separately today but which fit with a major tenet of this church.
Firstly, I was re-reading a poem which I wrote to read at the memorial service for my favourite uncle which let me to consider how often one hears the same thing at funerals 'if only I'd told him\her or 'if only I'd visited' We are very good at being too late and we are not terribly good at talking about feelings (ok, I'M NOT, well I am english after all, and male)
Secondly, a point made by 'anonymous' on my honest box on facebook. the word love has been corrupted so it no longer seems ok to love a friend, especially if it's two men because 'love' is too closely identified with romance\sex.

I have a bit of a love\hate relationship with honesty box but at the moment I like it and it can be a great tool for expressing feelings you're not entirely comfortable with expressing openly.
Another tool I like to use is www.loveaboutyou.com (another facebook orientated app) where you can say nice things about your facebook friends.
Basically, I aim to tell people that they are special now and again, be more up front with my appreciation and certainly not wait until someone is dead before i realise I quite like them. I would appreciate people taking the same tack with me :) PLEASE

power and glory

just idly wondering (as you do at 1.00am) whether we should be conducting marriages here. Haven't really got a policy on any sort of partnerships yet but let it be known that the church of the terminally bemused will not dismiss any approaches out of hand.
Perhaps we could do short term\fixed term contracts or cyber only weddings. The world is our aphrodisiac shell dweller

a higher calling

amongst us churches there has always been friction and at the end of the day it often boils down to what it's all about, why we're here, what's the point.
Some say we are here to suffer, others that we are here to have a good time, then there are some churches that feel we are only here to serve others or prove ourselves, that we are hopping on and off a wheel of life (gets a bit Disney about there).
Well I think I'm here to smile, that's my calling and, as I'm the only person in this church it is now official doctrine.
When I'm feeling good, I smile (that's easy)when I'm feeling crap, I smile (that's confusing) when I hurt others, yep (but not maliciously just in a pain lessening way) and when others hurt me, they get a smile (and that pisses them off).
I am not adverse to evangelizing either, I have a sign in the window of my vehicle telling\asking\advising people to smile because it's fun.

Yep, I like smiling, I like seeing smiles and I like the way people react when I smile. It is my calling and I feel high.

decline in religion and religious belief

It does seem that as we move well into the 21st century religion is become less popular and we, along with many other faiths and belief systems are hard at work trying to solve the problem so that we can again enjoy crowded places of worship and the wealth that this will bring (not that any of us are into wealth of course).
I am proud to be able to share with you that this tiny, insignificant, non state funded church has found the solution.
VIRGINITY!!!!!
or....lack of it
Religions have always liked virgins whether it's to give to the gods, to the priests or to charity virgins are, or were, hard currency. But now, where can you find a virgin, yes, ok there are some but the other thing was that the holy virgins had to be drop dead gorgeous. No wonder they ran out!
So, we have no eligible virgins, that's a problem but we of the terminally bemused are not to be defeated. We are a church for deity\ideals sake, we are above the law, we make our own moral code, we define the world we plan to inhabit.

I hear-by make an official proclamation, a new tenet of this church.

Virginity is a state of mind.

If you become a member of this church you may now renew your virginity AND THAT IS OFFICIAL. You have but to believe.
Trust me, I am a high priest, I know about virgins. I'm on my tenth virginity and it still works.

Welcome!

do come in and join in some mutual worship and feeling good.
here there is none of that crap about leaving your troubles on the doorstep or allowing some random deity to wave a magic wand.
If you bring troubles here they will be laid out, examined and dealt with the only deal is that you also bring your happiness because we have to have some balance.

If you have any questions about the church, it's members, the universe or life don't hesitate to ask :0)

Idle Idol

most churches and religions have some sort of deity or principle which is the focus for their existence. This church has no principles so does that mean it will have to have a deity?
It was suggested that I could set myself up as some sort of idol and graciously accept worship from the multitude but
a. I'm to idle to be an idol
b. I am the multitude around here and self praise is no praise.

now don't get me wrong, I'm not adverse to being worshipped and idolised it's just that it doesn't seem fair.

I have decided that the church will have a principle and that principle will be that we are all worthy of praise. With that in mind I will aim to idolise all the members of the church but only if they do me too.

come one come all

personally, I am never first at anything but I will give most stuff a try.

it is a tenet of the church that one should face each challenge, attempt every leap and essay every adventure.

At least then you can have a good laugh over a pint about how stupid you lookd as you realised you had packed your parachute wrong or realised you couldn't swim faster than tht shark.

supporting sloth

you can't help but notice that people a re getting lazier and that it seems the lazier we get the more medicine steps in to keep us ticking over.
A couple of generations back people worked hard and died younger.

Just think, if we worked as hard as our grandparents and had today's medical support what sort of ages would we be attaining.

So, the church advocates getting off your lazy ass and doing something.
Ditch a couple of power hungry labour saving devices and work up a sweat

Today I learned about polyamory

in an article about an open marriage. The interviewee said that they weren't swingers who exchange partners for purely sexual reasons but that she was in fact polyamorous meaning that she had two partners because she truly loved them both.
Here at the church we do not have an opinion on polyamory but we due encourage all members to be polyannerous in that we aim for sickeningly happy, positive,optomistic attitudes to a wide range of situations.

saving the planet

when the world was created there was balance, the circle of life was, indeed, a circle and all was in balance.
Food chains really worked then, plants were eaten by small creatures who were eaten by big creatures who, in turn were eaten by the biggest beasts who then left bodily wastes (and ultimately their ancient corpses) to nourish the plants and trees. In that time the bear did indeed sh*t in the forest.
Now the chain is broken, mankind has destroyed vast swathes of woodland, poisoned rivers and wiped out links in the chain. Te circle of life has lost it's shape and the future is also pretty pear shaped.

Here at the church of the terminally bemused we have hit on a positive contribution which can be made by every one of us, it is local, needs no skill and has no cost. Our solution crosses the boundaries of nationality, religion, age, gender etc

we ask all of you to find your nearest plant, forest, greenplace and void your bowels in it's vicinity forthwith.

What we must all do

As we drift\march\meander\rush through life we need to see the frogs around us and try to take time to snog the odd frog. This doesn't necessarily mean literally (although i personally know amphibians who wouldn't protest over much.

In the fairy tales the snogged frog becomes a prince and I'm convinced that by snogging the frogs we meet we will find a little bit of princedom in them and a heck of a lot of richness in ourselves